OK… if you read this blog you will know that I read “Wired” with all the fervor I can muster during daily “library” breaks.

I just received the latest copy and almost died laughing over the article on the “Star Wars Continuity Cop”. I was so loud that they guy several tables (stalls) away asked me if I was OK. I momentarily had a vision of paramedics breaking through the door only to find me dead from being oxygen deprived and “Wired” resting on my chest. And one of them says, “another victim that laughed himself to death over those stupid “Wired” articles….

Anyway, do we really need someone to keep track of the Star Wars universe for us? Is it so out of control that we need a master? Who cares if things aren’t nice and tidy (BTW… same goes for all those people who keep track of star dates.. Hello people, its a TV show!!!). For those of you who have saved a few dollars (and are missing out each month). Here is the article on-line (read it all and watch all the videos, Especially the Star Wars Christmas special one):

Meet Leland Chee, the Star Wars Franchise Continuity Cop

I wonder what would happen if I started publishing my own Star Wars stories on-line and didn’t get all the details and time-lines exactly right? I suspect instead of the paramedics some guys in Storm Trooper outfits would bust down my door with an order to cease and desist or pay George and his evil empire and stick to the prescribed time-lines and stories.

On returning to my office chair I decided to look the article up on the web to see what other kinds of items I have been missing out on. Low and behold someone at wired had posted an interactive time line that gives me some of the important dates and events in the Star Wars Universe AND they let people add their own:

Plot the Star Wars Galaxy

Be sure to read them all. My favorites so far include:

Terminator sent back to 1993AD (little did I know there was a tie between Terminator and Star Wars… Thanks Wired)
Star Wars Finality – George Lucas is hung for treasonous acts following re-release of episode 3 using neural retinal display networks
The Madness of King George – Happened somewhere last year or this. News to me also

Seems there is still a lot of crap for the master of the universe to clean up because some of the entries seem to disappear and new ones are continually appearing.

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Proof Positve

August 16, 2008

I don’t understand the Bigfoot corpse hoax that seems to have taken hold of some recently.  For those of us who grew up in the 70s, there has always been incontrovertible video proof of the existence of Bigfoot.

When asked to comment on recent events Wildboy stated that his “father” had died 9 years prior these recent events and was buried in a private ceremony at an unspecified location in Northern Idaho.  As far as Mr. Boy knew, Bigfoot was survived by no other family members.

 

OK, I’ll admit it. I’m hooked. But before we get to that, let me tell you why I like British comedies. The one thing I enjoy most about shows like Red Dwarf, Black Adder (yes, it is fantasy, just ask Nursey cow), and the Narnia episode of the Young Ones, is when the main characters freely spew metaphors like a bag of kittens in a lidless blender. I thought such was purely the modus operandi of our friends across the pond…but…enter the Middleman. Who knew Americans could spew too.

What is the Middleman? Think pulp, comics, b-movies, camp, scifi, spies, and superheroes all smashed into one like a McFlurry of Adam West Batman, The Ghost Busters (the 1970s version!), Get Smart, Bruce Campbell, Men in Black, and a lot of pop-culture Easter eggs, and you’ll get close. But don’t just take my word for it, let’s ask our old friend YouTube:

OK, I could do without the 20-something relationship angst, but if I let that keep me from watching, I’d miss the fairly entertaining dialog. I submit for your review:

“It may all seem like light and magic at first, but the next thing you know the walls are bleeding and you’ve got 25 pregnant women running around screaming ‘Mary! Mary! Mary!’ and clawing their eyes out with knitting needles while your own hair grows to three times its length and tries to strangle you.”

The names of the episodes alone should be enough to make you tune in:

The Pilot Episode Sanction
The Accidental Occidental Conception
The Sino-Mexican Revelation
The Manicoid Teleportation Conundrum
The Flying Fish Zombification
The Boyband Superfan Interrogation
The Cursed Tuba Contingency
The Ectoplasmic Panhellenic Investigation
The Obsolescent Cryogenic Meltdown

Sadly, there will be only 12 episodes because this is mid-season filler, so if you haven’t seen it, watch the last few episodes before ABC Family kills it forever.

I recently noticed a channel on my TV called “Chiller”. Seems its been around for a year and I haven’t paid that much attention (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chiller_(TV_channel)). As usual I am off thinking about mundane things having to do with making a living, feeding my fat face, and getting enough sleep.

I found it by accident. I was setting up a DVR search to catch any episodes of Kolchak: The Night Stalker. Much to my surprise a bunch of hits showed up. I am in Stalker heaven.

It is rumored that X-Files creator Chris Carter said one of his major influences was watching Kolchak: The Night Stalker as a child. There are similar threads from the Night Stalker in the X-Files. Still, X-Files has taken the ideas much further, and added many new ones as well but in my mind, the Night Stalker still reins supreme.

For those of you that haven’t seen the Night Stalker, the series was based on a TV movie The Night Stalker, and its sequel, The Night Strangler. There was a total of 20 episodes, running from September 1974, until April 1975 and still has a substantial cult following.

The concept of The Night Stalker series was of reporter, Carl Kolchak, working for the Independent News Service in Chicago, encounters the unnatural. Each week he dealt with a supernatural (mystical, scientific, alien or whatever) threat. Each week brought us a series of grisly related murders, involving blood draining, marrow loss, old age, spine snapping, or use of medieval weaponry. Inevitably, the lame local authorities are intent on ignoring or covering up the true nature of the murders, while Kolchak’s boss refuses to believe his employee. In the end, Karl seems to figure it out but never gets the full story printed.

The Night Stalker as a series was probably doomed to a single season. There aren’t enough unique ideas to do varied stories within the shows chosen format. Towards the end, episodes of The Night Stalker (like The Sentry and The Youth Killer) were dredging the bottom of the barrel. But I still find myself watching with a stupid grin on my face. It is just so mind numbingly entertaining and just enough campy that I can’t help myself. Even the “over-the-top” melodramatic style of Darren McGavin hasn’t caused me to quit watching. I would love to see a mash-up of Night Stalker and Christmas Story. Ralphy could be hacked to death by those fantasy outlaws and his foul-mouthed father/reporter could solve it. I would watch!!

And if you are wondering about the title of this post, it is my favorite quote from the series.

Crazy Gor-Al is at it again – Trying to save the planet from the masses for the elite.
(Click on the image below for the full story.)
Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet

Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet