Battlestar has completely confused me.

January 25, 2009

I hope my brother won’t mind me plagiarizing an email conversation we had on this topic, but Battlestar Galactica has completely confused me. They established in the BSGtime line already that the war with the robotic cylons was 40 years ago, and that it was “robots rising up against their masters”. So humans create cylons, cylons rebel, humans drive cylons away for 40 years, but cylons take that time to create other cylons that look like humans so they can infiltrate and destroy the 12 Colonies. Right? And now we are told that Cylons were also the 13thtribe that colonized earthand got wiped out 2,000 years ago, except for 5 that ended up with the 12 Colonies somehow. How is it then that the robotic creations of humans and the 13thtribe are both called cylons? My head hurts.

I haven’t had time to read any blogs about all of this, but I can’t be the only one who is confused, unless, as my brother said, maybe everyone else has already given up caring. If I put just a little bit more thought into this, though, things seem to get a little clearer. Here’s how I think it works: the 13thtribe colonizes earth, makes their own robots to enslave, who rise up and nuke the earth to free themselves from their masters. Sounds abit familiar. Five of the 13th tribe escape, however, (via scientological means) to the 12 Colonies, thinking all will be well. But the 12 Colonies make the same dumb mistake and create robots, which they call cylons. Meanwhile, the 5 are trying to “recreate their race” but somehow lose their memories and the blueprint for “their race”. That blueprint ends ups with the defeated cylons who have hidden away for 40 years, plotting to destroy the colonies:
 
Centurion 1: How are we going to sneak onto Caprica to blow it up. We look like toasters.
Centurion 2: Hey, don’t we have the blueprint to the 13th tribe? They look like humans. Let’s make seven of them to do it.
Centurion 1: Just seven? Is that enough?
Centurion 2: We can just clone those seven over and over, that way we don’t need to be that creative.
Centurion 1: Sounds like a good idea. What do we call these people?
Centurion 2: Well, let’s be real ironic and call them cylons too, huh?
Centurion 1: Oh, yeah, that’ll piss off the humans.
Centurion 2: And confuse them to no end if any survivors ever make it back to earth and run forensics tests.

So, I think I got it figured out now.

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